Dealing with the Loss of a Pet

We just had to put one of our rescue dogs down yesterday. It's always a very sad day when this happens. I am heartbroken every time. Part of our rescue is a Sanctuary. We give a home to unadoptable dogs. Most of them are seniors, some have behavioral issues, and some have health issues. Whatever the reason, once a dog enters our shelter/sanctuary, they will have a home for the rest of their lives.  As you can imagine, we have seen many many dogs pass away.  It breaks my heart every time.  My dogs are my children and losing one of my children is like losing a part of my soul.

 

 

I’ve had to learn to cope with each death anew and have read many articles on pet loss.  What I’ve learned is that, similar to losing a human loved one, the loss of a pet can affect different people in different ways.  I just saw a story on CNN.com the other day about a man that put his house up for sale in order to raise the $50,000 Reward he is offering for the return of his beloved Chocolate Lab.  An article I read on Oprah.com states that “The relationship between humans and their pets is often described by psychologists as a simple one—free of the complications that people experience in dealing with each other and full of unconditional love. This can often make the grieving process more intense when a pet dies. A pet is a constant companion, and facing its loss can be devastating.”

 

I have also noticed that the type of death the pet suffers can tremendously affect the way we grieve.  Sudden death puts us in a state of shock.  We had one rescue for such a short time, but she affected our lives greatly.  Her name was Carley.  She came to us because she suddenly went blind, for no known reason, and her family did not feel they could give her the care they needed.  Carley was such a sweet gentle soul.  Everyone in our rescue fell madly in love with her. 

 

I woke up one morning to her making these strange crying noises and ran downstairs to find her in the midst of a grand mal seizure.  All I could do was sit and hold her and tell her I was there.  I called our vets emergency number as it was 4am at the time.  I called my husband, who was working.  I didn’t know what to do and felt so helpless.  Nothing I did brought her out of the seizure.  It lasted almost a half hour before her little body finally couldn’t take it anymore and she died in my arms.  The vet examined her and discovered she had a rapidly growing brain tumor that did not show up in her tests when we initially took her in.  I was an emotional wreck for weeks after her death.

 

Then there are those that just waste away before your eyes.  You have to be the one to decide when it is time to let them go.  I had two of my babies die this way…Jazmyn, my collie, and Jahmbi, my heart dog. 

 


Jazmyn died from a very rare form of cancer.  Jahmbi had a neurological disease.  I had to watch them both waste away and slowly lose their battles.  As long as they were happy and not in much pain I cared for them.  I convinced myself that they would let me know when they were ready…and they did.  It was still the hardest decision in both cases I have ever had to make.  To look in their eyes every day and ask myself, are they suffering?  Is it time?  Are they in pain?  And then when the time finally came taking them to the vet and holding them as they breathed their last.  I still cry when I see pictures of either of them. 

Here is a photo of our first three children.  Mirage, Jazmyn, and Codie.  We have lost all three of them now, Mirage just this year.  For almost 20 years, these three were our babies and are the reason we are involved in rescue.  We still miss them every day.

 

 

I can’t tell you how it will be when you lose your pet.  It is different for everyone.  The stages of grief are the same as when dealing with the loss of a human loved one.  Shock and denial, anger and distancing, guilt, depression.  But unlike the grief over the loss of a human loved one, the final stage is not closure.  It is resolution.  You resolve to move forward.  If you are having a difficult time dealing with it there are tools available.  There are support groups for the loss of a pet.  Here is a list I found on The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement website.  You also need to give yourself permission to grieve.  Many people will not understand your grief.  I can’t tell you how many times people have told me, ‘It’s just a dog’.  Well, we know that is not true.  It is ok.  Cry, rant, scream, and grieve.  It’s ok. 

 

There are several other tools available.  Just do a search on the internet.  I would like to leave you with a poem that friends often pass on to me to help comfort me when we lose one of our children.  There are many different versions of this story.  This is the version for Rescue workers.

  

Rescue Rainbow Bridge

Unlike most days at Rainbow Bridge, this day dawned cold and gray, damp as a swamp and as dismal as could be imagined. All the recent arrivals were confused and concerned. They had no idea what to think for they had never experienced a day like this before. But the animals who had spent some time waiting for their beloved people knew exactly what was happening and began to gather at the pathway leading to the Bridge to watch. They knew this was something special.

It wasn't too long before an elderly animal came into view, head hung heavy and low with tail dragging along the ground. The other animals on the pathway...the ones who had been at RainBow Bridge for a while...knew the story of this sad creature immediately. They had seen it happen far too many times.

Although it was obvious the animal's heart was leaden and he was totally overcome with emotional pain and hurt, there was no sign of injury or any illness. Unlike the pets waiting at the Bridge, this dog had not been restored to his prime. He was full of neither health nor vigor. He approached slowly and painfully, watching all the pets who were by now watching him. He knew he was out of place here. This was no resting place for him. He felt instinctively that the sooner he could cross over, the happier he would be. But alas, as he came closer to the Bridge, his way was barred by the appearance of an Angel who spoke softly to the old dog and apologized sorrowfully, telling him that he would not be able to pass. Only those animals who were with their special people could pass over the RainBow Bridge. And he had no special beloved people...not here at the Bridge nor on Earth below.

With no place else to turn, the poor elderly dog looked toward the fields before the Bridge. There, in a separate area nearby, he spotted a group of other sad-eyed animals like himself...elderly and infirm. Unlike the pets waiting for their special people, these animals weren't playing, but simply lying on the green grass, forlornly and miserably staring out at the pathway leading to the Bridge. The recent arrival knew he had no choice but to join them. And so, he took his place among them, just watching the pathway and waiting.

One of the newest arrivals at the Bridge, who was waiting for his special people, could not understand what he had just witnessed and asked one of the pets who had been there for some time to explain it to him.

"That poor dog was a rescue, sent to the pound when his owner grew tired of him. They way you see him now, with graying fur and sad, cloudy eyes, was exactly the way he was when he was put into the kennels. He never, ever made it out and passed on only with the love and comfort that the kennel workers could give him as he left his miserable and unloved existence on Earth for good. Because he had no family or special person to give his love, he has nobody to escort him across the Bridge."

The first animal thought about this for a minute and then asked, "So what will happen now?"

As he was about to receive his answer, the clouds suddenly parted and the all-invasive gloom lifted. Coming toward the Bridge could be seen a single figure...a person who, on Earth, had seemed quite ordinary...a person who, just like the elderly dog, had just left Earth forever. This figure turned toward a group of the sad animals and extended outstretched palms. The sweetest sounds they had ever heard echoed gently above them and all were bathed in a pure and golden light. Instantly, each was young and healthy again, just as they had been in the prime of life.

From within the gathering of pets waiting for their special people, a group of animals emerged and moved toward the pathway. As they came close to the passing figure, each bowed low and each received a tender pat on the head or a scratch behind the ears. Their eyes grew even brighter as the figure softly murmured each name. Then, the newly-restored pets fell into line behind the figure and quietly followed this person to the Bridge, where they all crossed together.

The recent arrival who had been watching, was amazed. "What happened?"

"That was a rescuer," came the answer. "That person spent a lifetime trying to help pets of all kinds. The ones you saw bowing in respect were those who found new homes because of such unselfish work. They will cross when their families arrive. Those you saw restored were ones who never found homes. When a rescuer arrives, they are permitted to perform one, final act of rescue. They are allowed to escort those poor pets that couldn't place on Earth across the Rainbow Bridge. You see, all animals are special to them...just as they are special to all animals."

"I think I like rescuers," said the recent arrival.

"So does God," was the reply.

--Author Unknown--